1. Doing Nothing
2. Old People in the Cemetery
3. Isn’t It Nice?
4. Jennifer Louise
5. The Blank Husband Epidemic
6. Pancakes for One
7. We Are Destroying the Song
8. An Ode to the Nocturnal Muse
9. Predictably Sulking Sara
10. Natalie and Effie in the Park
11. A Question for Emily Foreman
12. Kissing in the Grass
13. Kid Without Claws
14. Death Dance of Omipapas and Sons for You

Originally released by Kindercore Records, 2002
Lineup:
Kevin Barnes
Derek Almstead
Dottie Alexander
Andy Gonzales
Jamey Huggins

Additional Contributions by:
Jeremy Barnes
Heather McIntosh
Scott Spillane

Album art by David Barnes

PURCHASE FROM POLYVINYL RECORDS

DOING NOTHING

Nothing, we’re doing nothing
Just sitting and wondering why nothing’s happening
Everyone was there in a wooden chair doing nothing
Still doing nothing, drinking smoking
Nothing’s happening
No one seems to care in their wooden chair
Doing nothing

I go walking through the park
Underneath a moldy sky
Thinking “yes I think this place
Would be such a lonely place to die,
Such a lonely place to die”

Nothing we’re doing nothing
Literally frozen stiff from nothing happening
Something has to change
Cause it’s no longer feeling strange
To do nothing Ad nauseam nothing
And feeling acutely every millisecond pass
We can ignore that this is sad
Because we know that it all adds up to nothing

I go walking though the park
Underneath the moldy sky
Thinking about all the different ways that would make lonely ways to die
All the lonely ways to die

OLD PEOPLE IN THE CEMETERY

Old people in the cemetery
What must they be thinking of?
Must be frightening must be scary
To visit the grave of a close friend
Who was the same age as you when they died

There’s nothing precious about
Old people in the cemetery
Reciting bible passages
Unprepared to come to terms with
The fact that we’re all food for worms
What do they think a prayer
Could make a difference now?

There’s nothing sadder than
An old woman in the cemetery
Picking leaves off of her husbands tomb
Knowing that her only wish is
That she will die and join him soon
It’s so sad to see them all just wither away,
There’s nothing sadder then old people like that

It must be hard to relate
After the world of your youth
Totally evaporates

Old men in the cemetery
Lurking like faint shadows of the dead
Gazing down at mother’s plot
And longing to be there instead
It’s a dreary fate and
No one should have to be as depressing
As old people like that

Isn’t it Nice

Isn’t it nice living out in the country?
It’s so nice for us to have a place
Off in our own space with no one to mind

There’s Old Cranky the elderly lady next door
Who accuses us of burning down her barn
It’s so different out here
One thing I’ve learned is that you never interfere
With Old Cranky’s bales of hay
Isn’t it nice living out in the country?
It’s so nice for us to have a place
Off in our own space with no one to mind

There’s Larry our alcoholic neighbor at ten a.m.
Asking for a ride to the liquor store
It’s so different out here
One thing I’ve learned is that
You never buy Larry beer
Or else he’ll bug you everyday

It’s a long and winding road to our house
So if you come to see us take it slow
Take it slow anyway when you come
You will know why we stay so far
From the city lights
We don’t miss a thing from the city
It’s good to drop out you should try it
Come take a walk at night it’s so quiet
You should try it

There’s Martin and his friend with the Thug Life tattoo
Looking menacing while landscaping the lawn
It’s so different out here
One thing I’ve learned is to be cautious of the deer
They don’t care if they die

It’s a long and winding road to our house
So if you come to see us take it slow
Take it slow
Anyway when you come you will know
Why we stay so far from the city lights
We don’t miss a thing from the city
It’s good to drop out you should try it
Come take a walk at night it’s so quiet
You should try it

Isn’t it nice living out in the country?
It’s so nice for us to have a place

JENNIFER LOUISE

Jennifer Louise you don’t know me but we’re cousins
Your mamamama and my mamamama are sisters
Jennifer Louise I haven’t seen you since I was a kid
When my family spent the weekend at your house
And your father helped when my eyelashes stuck together

My mom told me that now
You’re a young professional
Living with a significant someone

Jennifer Louise we know so little about each other
I’ll probably never call you up,
Write you a letter or see you in person
Basically Jennifer Louise you don’t know me
And we’re not friends
But I was just wondering about you
Wondering if you ever think about me

THE BLANK HUSBAND EPIDEMIC

My Auntie Eleanor had a very unhappy husband
Who hated his job and hated his life
So he wanted to drive his tan Chevy
Off of a bridge because he hated his car
And he hated his life

He couldn’t silence the ever present thought
“I’m doing all I can yet I’m an unsuccessful man”
And his heart was blank
Don’t we know what blank people are good for
What they are good for?

My Auntie Eleanor had a very unhappy husband
Who just couldn’t escape or catch a break
So he wanted to ride his bike
Blindfolded into traffic
Cause he hated his bike and he hated his life
His heart was consumed with guilt
From the knowledge he had not
Become a successful man
He was an unsuccessful man
And his heart was blank
Don’t we know what blank people are good for
What they are good for?

Till one day my Auntie introduced him
To her friend named Gwendoline
And she must have made a stunning first impression
Because he left my Auntie
And never came back again leaving with Gwendoline
But my Auntie didn’t care
She knew she could find
Another blank husband anywhere
By God they’re everywhere

My Auntie Eleanor had a very unhappy husband

PANCAKES FOR ONE

Pancakes for one are always depressing
Because having breakfast with you was such fun
Pancakes for one are no fun

Cocktails for one are never enchanting
Because having drinks with you was such fun
Cocktails for one are no fun no fun no fun

Standing near the vendor on the platform
Waiting for your train
But yet again you’re not on it
And I’m crestfallen holding a drooping flower bouquet

A sundae for one is never delicious
Because eating junk food with you was such fun
A Sunday for one is no fun

All I’ve left of you is a photograph
Which only upsets me
Cause I can’t draw your attention
Your frozen in time
Pancakes for one are always depressing
Because having breakfast with you was such fun
Pancakes for one are no fun

WE ARE DESTROYING THE SONG

If you’re feeling old and grey
And the pallet in your hand is Auntie Lime
Remember to curve your virginity
Little Chinese titty

If you look for Rick the Third
And acknowledge that he hasn’t left a pang
Report him to the Divinity
Little Chinese Ricky

The little Chinese Ricky is of foam
And you know that you can Ricky model home
WAIT don’t go home
We are performing the song!!!!

If a Bertha had it’s mirth
And the sack that held the attic up is torn
Meow meow meow for eternity
Little Chinese kitty

The little Chinese Ricky is of foam
And you know that you can Ricky model home
WAIT don’t go home
We are destroying the song!!!!

AN ODE TO THE NOCTURNAL MUSE

I love to sleep I love my bed
Cause it brings strange dreams to me
And life’s much better when I’m asleep I can see anything don’t
Have to worry about anything
I know you love to sleep you love your pillows
Cause they bring sweet dreams to you
And life’s much better when you’re asleep
You can do anything don’t have to fuss over anything

I can’t wait to be old growing senile together
Holding hands and both completely out of our heads
We won’t notice when we’re dead
We’ll be too busy dreaming too busy dreaming
We’ll be too busy dreaming

Life’s much better when you’re asleep
You can do anything don’t have to fuss over anything

Well there’s nothing quite as great
It’s my favorite mental state
Subconscious stream of thought
Creates avant garde films in my mind
And watching them is how I like to spend my time
I love to sleep I love my bed
Cause it brings strange dreams to me
And life’s much better when I’m asleep
I can do anything don’t have to care about anything

I can’t wait to be old growing senile together
Holding hands and both completely out of our heads
We won’t notice when we’re dead
We’ll be too busy dreaming too busy dreaming
We’ll be too busy dreaming

PREDICTABLY SULKING SARA

Predictably sulking Sara wears a scowl on her face
Which no attempt at cheering can erase
Look at her face so sad
Consistently mopey Murrey worries his thong
Will be replaced by the hand whose eyes are shooting mace
Look at his face so sad

Maybe it’s best if two people
As sad as this never meet
But we wonder if somehow it might help
To see one so sad for oneself
To see how they look to the world so sad
Look at their faces so sad

NATALIE AND EFFIE IN THE PARK

Sundays were made for strolls through the park
Though before today she’d always gone alone
Now the sun shines down all around them
Cause Natalie’s not alone she’s not alone
On Friday she’d bought a Yorkshire terrier
And instantly found a true friend of her own
Now they sing and skip through the flowers
Cause Natalie’s not alone she’s not alone

She named him Effie
Effie was his name despite a bladder problem
She loved him just the same
She takes him nearly every where she goes
He delights her with the many tricks he knows
Now the sun shines down all around them
Cause Natalie’s not alone

She knits him sweaters and woolen Winter hats
From the window she watches him chase the neighbors cats
And laughs and laughs “Hey Effie
Would you like to go for a walk?
Would you like to go for a ride?”
And Effie never left her side until she died

A QUESTION FOR EMILY FOREMAN

Emily do you think it’s safe to guess
Tthat you’ll be different from the rest
Emily I don’t know if you’re truly make believe
But my mind is open to you anyhow
Oh someday I will say the following words to you
Emily you’re very different from the rest
You have me really quite impressed
Emily I don’t know if you’re truly someone’s dream
But my mind is open to you now

Now Emily brings a tray of parfait
To the troops of sinuous felines
Lounging in her chaise longue
Now Emily with an ardent oratory
Inspires the troops of sinuous felines
To do the bidding of

Emily you know I’d love to know you best
But are your confessions just in jest?
Emily I hope that you are truly what you seem
Cause my heart is open to you

KISSING IN THE GRASS

Kissing in the grass smiling to say
“Oh golly gee I think you’re dreamy”
Learning so much that way
I do tend to believe
There’s precious little that could amount to more
Then kissing in the grass smiling to say
“Oh golly gee I hear bells ringing”
Forgetting so much that way
I do tend to believe there’s precious little
That illuminates us more then kissing in the grass
Kissinginthegrasskissinginthegrasskissinginthegrass

KID WITHOUT CLAWS

If you have any flaws we haven’t noticed them
There is nothing at all you are lacking in Louis Kabu
We are looking at you and we see an august gentleman
Miss Birdy concurs and she’ll say so openly
Through an ear horn in gentrified eboniks she purrs
“Monsieur Louis I adore you,I just adore you”
Everything you attempt always ends in success
And everyone that you meet always leaves feeling blessed
Louis Kabu we are looking at you
And you know that I remember when we first met your kid
It was in Chinatown
She was a cute lost little orphan
So we gave her a home

I could travel the world
And yet still fail to see a soul
That is half as kind or as fancy free as Louis Kabu
We are looking at you
And you know that I remember when we first met the kid
It was in Chinatown she was a cute lost little orphan
So we gave her a home

Now I haven’t a qualm
In declaring that there is no one at all
Quite as caring as Louis Kabu
We are looking at you and we see a dashing gentleman
Miss Nico bemoans cause you love Bird more then her
But when you deign to allow her a visit she avers
“Monsieur Louis I adore you I just adore you”
If you have any claws we haven’t noticed them
There is nothing at all you are lacking in Louis Kabu
No no not our Louis Kabu

DEATH DANCE OF OMIPAPAS AND SONS FOR YOU

I want to dance so I don’t have to think anymore
About the steam cleaned caterpillar in the pinafore
I want to dance till the meanings of words are replaced
By the snobbish foppish dandies with discriminating taste
Taking lady’s place and bouncing her face
Up the escalator to inspect the fay new blonde
I want to dance to the voice of the phantom oboe
Performing spritely melodies of a rococo
I want to dance to the rhythm of owls
In a plumb who have fashioned tiny instruments
Plucked with their thumbs
No feeling is more safe
Then when you embrace me dancing
We don’t need to call any of our friends
Because I don’t even care who else is there
If dancing is your legs laughing,
Choking is your throat heckling,
Cement grapes are falling (falling falling)
Ah but the limp nymphs are calling me to dance

I’m so sick and tired of always feeling down
Yeah just sitting around yeah wasting my life
I want to dance I want to dance I want to dance